As the cult of ass-to-mouth surrounding vile but slightly boring schocker The Human Centipede continues to grow, it was only a matter of time before someone figured out how to make it even more fucked up and off putting than it already was, and hey, while the original was pretty diabolical, it was also pretty, well boring really.
Luckily if there’s one thing garuanteed to spice up a party, it’s a huge pair of hooters, so take a bow The Human Sexipede!
Yep, it’s a porn parody that gives doggy style a whole new meaning if this trailer is anything to go by.
I’ll be honest with you, I’m actually a bit weirded out by this. Enjoy perverts, enjoy…
Now, it may seem we’ve been a little slack on the reviews front here at STS this week. “I expect their reviewers have all got swanky jobs as corporate journos at celebrity websites, they can’t be arsed writing for the likes of me anymore…” I can hear you saying. But honestly? I’ve spent most of my long weekend wondering exactly how I can put this abomination into words with out using extra, Lovecraftian letters that burst human eardrums and syllables that should not be.
Now, I’m all for the odd crap movie -hey, I even gave Miley Cyrus’ last effort a decent go, but what I’m not for is misanthropic, petulant, childish ultra-crud like this…
Hey you poor (rich) broken down (pumped up with Botox and Collagen implants) 40-something (57) urban go-getters (shallow idiots), if you’ve never wondered if there’s more to life than slurping Cosmopolitans and talking shit about your perfectly decent partners, then here’s the movie to blow your doors of perception right open.
Generally, we watch any old crap round here – in the interest of being a representative, even-handed site obviously – from Marley & Me to Apocalypse Now,it’s all fair grist to the review grinder-yep,we even sat through Troll 2 once.
But just occasionally there are some movie crimes so cynical and heinous in their deployment that we’re robbed of even the enjoyment bought by bright shapes moving around a large screen.
Twilight: New Moon is one of them…
Let’s face it, if characters from movies were real, you’d hate them. Imagine if your neighbour was a chiselled man-mountain who regularly slept with supermodels in between blowing things up with his flying, time-travelling tank.
Us regular guys just couldn’t compete.
Fortunately Hollywood knows this, and balances things out by rampantly increasing the odds that he’ll be horribly killed at any moment – and none more so than when he’s getting’ some! Sure the sex you have may be dry and perfunctory, but at least it won’t end in death by robot. Want proof? So do we- it’s death by sexy as we take a look at cinema’s deadliest sex scenes!
Finally arriving in cinemas after its Sundance premiere, HumpDay takes the old theory about homoeroticism in buddy movies to its logical extreme – and is partially successful.
