We haven’t mentioned much about it, mainly because everything Michael Bay has ever done has been complete and utter wank, but apparently those fucking awful Transformers films did quite well. So well in fact that there’s a third helping of robo-shite about to be heaped onto steaming cinema screens everywhere. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Anyway, here’s the first trailer for Transformers: Dark of the moon, wherein we find out that Hasbro’s favourite son’s (and daughters -can’t forget the fashionably pink Arcee after all) have been lurking about on the moon for years. For some reason…

We were actually supposed to put up our Harry Potter AND Skyline reviews today. But unfortunately I was too lazy/had real work to do, so you’ll have to wait until tomorrow. Stop whining you feckless dogs, and instead bask in the magnificence of the few morsals we do charitably throw you from our gilded movie castle – here’s the new trailer for awesome explody alien-dfest Battle:LA for starters.

What’s the odds on the Hollywood sign getting blown up at some point then?

Going in to former BBC visual effects guru Gareth Edwards’s first big screen foray, it’s forgivable if audience and reviewer alike are amped up in expectation of this year’s ‘District 9′, so it comes as a shock when we get a rambling, very human drama that meanders along at a pace that matches it’s protagonists long trip across central America towards their comfy suburban homes.

In terms of plot, there’s a fairly straightfoward setup that’s efficiantly dealt with in the opening credits. At some point in the past a space probe is sent to investigate possible alien life, on it’s return, the probe breaks up over Mexico, causing strange new life-forms to arise and spread. In the panic the US and Mexico wall off much of central America and begin a long running (and possibly futile) battle to halt the spread.

Cast into the middle of this we find photographer Andrew (a rangey and able Scoot McNairy), tasked with escorting his boss’ injured daughter Sam (the elfin, and frankly too-sexy-by-half Whitney Able) home from South America. With no ferries or air travel available across the ‘infected zone’, they find themselves forced to cross the heavily guarded no man’s land, first in the company of gun-weilding mercenaries, then finally trekking up to a mile high wall erected as protection by the US.

Of cours, the US has resorted to walls and violence to keep the alien invaders out – anyone miss the metaphor?

And that, in a nutshell, is the biggest problem here. The heavy handed preaching unfortuantely becomes grating and patronises the audience, while the central characters lack empathy – Sam is a spoilt little rich girl, Andrew is..well, a bit of a dick really, meaning scenes which could have been emotionally stirring are rendered isolated and quickly dismissed. The characters (of course) begin to fall for each other, but they never develop in any noticable way despite the horrors they witness on their journey.

Edwards litters the script with wishy-washy liberalisms too. The soldiers in the jungle talk about the wall with Sam who agrees “hey, yeah, it’s like, we’re fencing ourselves in…man…” while on reaching the wall Andrew pipes up with the oh-so-wise 2 it’s so weird, looking into the US from outside, you know? And tomorrow it’ll be so easy to forget all this…”

Wow man…like…mind. BLOWN!

or not. If you’ve a modicum of intelligence you’ll recognise these as first year student ramblings, poorly formed and ill-advised. The underlying message here is that hey, even if things seem different, we’re all the same deep down man,. Can’t we all just get along? A point hammered home as the pair witness a bizarre alien mating ritual once they’re over the border. Hey man, they tried to stem the flood of illegal aliens into the country, but they got in anyway dude, and hey – they’re a lot like us really aren’t they? (apart from being 80-foot tall photonic Octopusephants obviously).

On the plus side Edwards has a superlative eye for cinematography, catching the startling latin scenery in awe inspiring detail. Magnificent ancient ziggaruts contrast starkly with scenes of urban decay and genuinely realistic military destruction, while the waters on an ill-advised river trip are magical, calling to mind Eric Gautier’s wonderful work in The Motorcycle Diaries. The quiet beauty is wonderfully realised.

As a nature documentary, this would be stirring stuff, but as a movie, it’s meandering, overlong and misguided. it’s crass to say so but the film fairly cries out for a few good action sequences. Instead we get a mish-mash of ‘Blue Planet’ with splashes of Jurassic Park and Schindlers List, minus the excitement or emotional heft of either.

Overall, this is a good looking but unrewarding watch.

Tentacles, exploding stealth bombers, giant killer robots. Yep, the new trailer for upcoming sci-fi monsterpiece Skyline just hit the web, and while the acting might leave something to be desired, who cares when you’ve got helicopter-chomping gloop beasts and fighter jet vs. UFO action like this?

In these cynical times, it’s easy to pour scorn on the vague rumblings emerging from Hollywood’s rumour mill, as well as stars returning decades later to the roles that made them famous. Let’s face it, Indy didn’t exactly light our fires the fourth time around, and who the hell gives a shit about Wall Street II?

No-one, that’s who.

Of course, there is one property that we’ve been longing to see again, we’ve ruminated on it in the past, we’ve covered the rumours more recently, and given the current propensity for huge hair, bleached jeans and ‘Poison’ tour shirts here in London town, we pretty much encounter it on a daily basis on our way to work.

No, not ‘Desperately Seeking Susan’.

That’s right, we’re talking about the long awaited return of Bill S. Preston Esq. And Ted ‘Theodore’ Logan.

If there’s one thing likely to lift that grim sheen of shattered sequel hopes , it’s a final comeback tour from Wyld Stallyns themselves, and now it looks like it may actually happen.

Speaking to MTV, Alex Winter today confirmed that the bodacious duo are working on a way to return to this time period:

“We kicked around the idea over the years and had always thought if we could make something that was as kind of genuine in spirit as the originals and without falling prey to kind of retro cynicism or something that was unnecessary, it would be worth doing. Now the cat’s out of the bag, and the truth is that, yeah, we have finally hit upon an idea that we think is pretty great. We’ve been working on it for the past couple of years, honing that idea and getting it into shape.”

While there’s no set date for a release, this is the most promising franchise news we’ve had in a long time, let’s just hope it isn’t bogus.

Pitch Black. That was a pile of crap wasn’t it? Yes it was. Shut up. Anyway, it seems that play-doh-headed star Vin Diesel is all out of cash for 18-sided dice and wife beaters, so he’s decided to return to the role that originally made him a laughing stock/subject of a thousand dorky D&D fans wet dreams.

Talking (well, making a noise like an industrial mangler) to Variety, big Vin reckons this trip will ditch the CGI Dame Judi Denchisms in favour of a stripped back character study, because obviously, he’s always been known for his intricate character acting and ability to completly immerse himself in a role, as witnessed by his Olivier-eclipsing turn in The Pacifier.

Makes the upcoming Escape From New York remake sound almost palatable doesn’t it? Expect this shit to clog up screens in 2012.

Richard Kelly’s fondness for melon-twisting puzzles knows no bounds it seems, as he sets up a preposterously accented Cameron Diaz and hunky hubby James Marsden with the classic do or die moral conundrum: Push a button and recieve one million dollars – the catch? Take it and someone, somewhere, must die…

Doctor Evil plotting aside, it’s a high concept query that could ignite a million pub arguments, Kelly wrapping the indecent proposal MacGuffin in enough stylish Sci-Fi/Horror ribbons that you can almost forgive the movie as it slides towards generic thriller territory. Bizarrely, the semi-famous Richard Matheson (of I Am Legend fame) tale suffered poor receipts in the US, possibly based more on Kelly’s shonky post-Southland Tales rep than word of mouth, as there’s much to intrigue and beguile here, filling the thriller set-up with indie stylings, zombies, postmodern philosophy and a short trip through time – Kelly is fast moving into Star Trek territory, but his commitment to the material lifts things out of the genre ghetto.

Like Donnie Darko, The Box juxtaposes the American ideal family with some all-out weirdness to often startling effect, the narrative is all over the place, but as with Darko, there are enough unifying threads that you’ll be willing to pour over the details and try to figure it all out later, rather than giving up completely a la Southland.

This gloomy visuals and clever-clever time travel can’t quite rewrite history enough to cover all the plot holes however, and it’s certainly difficult to get on-side with leads who decide that they’d knock someone off just to send their offspring to a nice college. Luckily Frank Langella appears regularly as a mutilated big bad who’s obviously completely mental, but – much like Kelly – has the conviction of his morals, making him a memorably nasty piece of work coming across like the restrained offspring of Hannibal Lecter and The Joker.

The genre-jumping and Kelly’s resolute stance against conventional movie making may upset the casual viewer, and this will certainly struggle to find a big cinema audience, although signs point to yes for a big home cult building over the next few years. In tone it’s uneven, but has enough foreboding 70’s horror overtones to make it a classy and slick change from the usual Hollywood factory-thriller.

Very much a case of Love or hate, but certainly worth seeking out.

With Star Trek currently warping up the DVD/Blu-ray charts as Kirk and Co. make a triumphant return to the big screen with the promise of even better to come, here at STS we thought we’d spare a thought for that other massive space franchise that’s been sadly humbled of late, victim of shoddy prequels and dodgy Saturday morning cartoon shows- Star Wars is not the all-conquering merchandise Death Star it once was.

Despite these varying fortunes however, around the STS office ..Empire is still on a constant loop, the first three films unarguably some of the best movies ever made.

So – who’s the best? It’s a toughie, which is why we’ve rated both sides according to strict criteria and let these twin titans of star-spanning adventure battle it out for the prize in: Star Wars Vs Star Trek!

Round 1:Fashion!

While Trek favours snug polyester tops and flared trousers, looking like a nightmare version of the Playboy mansion where bowl-cut ‘dos and girdles are all the rage, over in Star Wars it’s experimental haircuts modelled on bagels, full-face carpet coats and – for the discerning villain – fetish medical wear. Han’s waistcoat/skinny Jean military look wouldn’t look out of place on Shoreditch high street.

Consider-given the choice would you rather wear a red jumper that might as well have a target painted on it, or a bandoleer…and nothing else? Even fashion icon David Bowie agrees, putting on his best R2D2 impression for hit ‘Fashion’: “Dance with me, don’t dance with me, no -beep beep, beep beep.”
Winner: Star Wars.

Round 2: Gettin’ Jiggy!

Over the years Star trek has spawned more than a few hotties, while Starfleet remains the only major scientific institution to outfit it’s female recruits in mini-skirts and silver beauty pageant sashes. Unfortunately by The Next Generation things had gone sadly downhill, Klingon women with bad teeth were the order of the day, and when Tasha Yar decided to strip off the unflattering jumpsuit for Hef, she was promptly eaten by a Tar Monster!

Meanwhile, in a galaxy far, far away, any girl is fair game -  even your own sister! Metal bikinis and loincloths rule in hyperspace, and while the federation is a humanoids-only club, it’s perfectly acceptable for Star Warsians to get down with tentacled women, hairy midgets, and even the odd crustacean. For sheer, uninhibited kinkiness it’s hard to beat Jabba the Hutt.

Winner: Star Wars.

Round 3: Shouting!

Well, what would you rather hear?
“Threepio where can he beeeeeee?”
or:
“Khaaaaaaaannnnnn!!!!!!!”
Winner: Star Trek.

Round 4: Dangerous Sports!

Despite having interstellar travel, the Star Wars universe is curiously short on deep space sports, preferring to stick close to the ground with an overly-repetitive Grand Prix analogue in cars so weedy they can only be driven by children and tiny alien jockeys.

Meanwhile in Star Trek, free climbing the Yukon is considered a relaxing day off, while ‘Space Jumping’ with a lunatic Australian is an assignment it’s perfectly acceptable to give to raw cadets.

Bullseyeing Womp rats from you T-16 may come in handy later, but it’s no substitute for leaping down an elevator shaft in a pair of rocket boots.

Winner: Star Trek.

Round 5: Hardness!

The final, most dangerous category, as both franchise eye each other up from the ropes before whipping out their most deadly combat styles for your consideration. People often forget the sheer amount of rucks that go down in Trek, what with the captain nicking star-warlords girlfriends every other episode, and even Wesley Crusher once managed to create an intergalactic incident by..erm..crushing someone’s vegetable patch…so it’s no surprise that the Trek universe has some pretty awesome fighting styles at it’s disposal. If it isn’t Vulcans pinching your neck it’s Klingons waving bloody great knives about, although all these fall to the sheer double axe-handling. Side-kicking might of Kirk-Fu, a mysterious fighting style ideal for the older gentleman.

And let’s face it, if you were being chased by a huge lizard, you’d throw a big rock at it’s head as well. Add to this charged photon torpedoes and a predilection for sucking planets into artificial black holes and star Trek starts to look like a pretty hardcore place to hang out.

On the other side meanwhile..well, we’ve already mentioned that Vulcan neck pinch thing right? The Star Wars version? Crushing your windpipe via a TV. Fuck yeah, that’s hard! Klingon Batleth? Against a Lightsaber -you’re kidding right? Arena Kirk-on-Gorn combat? Fair enough, but it’s hardly Jedi vs Giant Sabre-Tooth Tiger, culminating in Jango Fett’s head being chopped off is it? Combine this with a laser that blows up planets and a martial arts style that actually includes magic and you can’t go wrong!

Winner: Star Wars.

Overall winner: Star Wars!

Proof positive that despite it’s ailing fortunes, it’s still more than a match for Starfleet when it comes to kicking ass and looking good while you do it. May the force be with you baby.

Disagree? Do the Borg beat LoBot in your book? Could The Dominion kick Imperial ass? Let us know!

OK, so science fiction films often have remarkably poor foresight when it comes to setting the date of their story. “No-one will be watching this in fifteen years!” they confidently cry. “We’ll all have burned in a nuclear fire by then, surely!” The most prominent example being 2001: A Space Oddysey and the best example of dodging the issue being the Star Wars saga, which is set in the past. Somehow.

In any case, despite scriptwriters’ determination to give their own work a limited shelf-life there is light at the end of the tunnel. Here follows, then, a list of things that society still has time to invent, implement and generally make happen.

1. Sick sticks – Minority Report – set in 2054

Now, 2054 is still a good way off, meaning there’s more than enough time to invent a stick that when you poke someone with it they vomit uncontrollably. This should go second on the science priority list under curing cancer. I have no idea how this stick would possibly work, but that’s for the boffins to figure out. I’m the ideas man. Well, i’m the man who reminds you of other people’s ideas anyway.

2. Self-drying clothes – Back to the Future part II – set in 2015

Ah, how blissfully distant 2015 must have seemed in 1989. (when part 2 was released, not set. duh) But now the future is catching up with us remarkably quickly. We’ve already mastered and far surpassed that Jaws 3D thing that Marty gets so frightened of, and I think it’s safe to assume that hoverboards, cars powered on rubbish, self-tying laces and tiny pizzas that expand in the oven aren’t going to be made in time. That really just leaves self-drying clothes, by far the most useful and practical future-object seen in the movie. And guess what – we have them! Ahead of schedule too! Nice one.

3. Cryogenic freezing.

Now obviously a good deal of movies feature cryogenic freezing, and there seems to be no consensus on exactly how futuristic the procedure is. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if you could get it done tomorrow in some medical practise in Belgium. But this doesn’t change the fact that it’s not widespread yet, which sucks because I for one am eager to cheat death. The best known cryogenic freezing occurs in Alien, which is set in 2122, so scientists have some leeway on getting that organised.

4. Robot apocalypse – Terminator series

Now this is just flagrant cheating. In Terminator 2 it’s mentioned that Judgement Day – the day that Skynet becomes self-aware and begins a nuclear attack on the USA – is in 1997, which means that we should all have been carbonised by now. However in Terminator 3, released in 2003, the date is set back to 2004. Then, in the Sarah Connor chronicles it’s set back again to 2011. Now, clearly Skynet have trouble meeting their quarterly targets, and their internal organisation is in need of a serious restructuring. The other possibility is that scriptwriters couldn’t bear to ask their audiences to enjoy a film or TV series that is set in a world even slightly different to our own. (because what iPod-lovin’, trainer-wearin’ money-loaded hipster is going to relate to that?)

In any case postponing Judgement Day until 2011 gives us a little time to prepare. Take funding away from the Olympics and put it into grimy underground tunnel-networks and old 2-way radios. Oh, and lots of corrugated iron sheets.

For God’s sake, don’t forget the corrugated iron sheets!!

Since the movie came out, Watchmen creator Alan Moore is primarily known for two things. His prodigious beard, and his general moodiness. It’s not surprising that many fans were disappointed when he said that he would be “spitting venom all over” the big-budget Hollywood adaptation. If you know that the genius, the creator himself despises the director’s interpretation, it makes it pretty hard to love the film when you do eventually see it. Similarly, compare Warren Ellis’ reluctance to sign-off on a Transmetropolitan movie.

Contrast these approaches with that of Iain M. Banks, when Empire interviewed him about an upcoming film based on a short story from his much beloved space-opera Culture series. Banks expressed the mixture of childish excitement and cautious apprehension that you’d surely expect when offered the prospect of seeing something conceived in your imagination projected onto a massive screen for the viewing pleasure of millions.

Banks’ greatest concern seems to be that the spaceships he envisioned in his novels would be too dull for a big-screen adaptation. Now that’s humility! He goes on to say that:

“I want to see the big action sequences! I want to see the gigantic ship hitting the even more gigantic iceberg! I want to see the fight underneath the hovercraft, which I’ve always imagined being lit by strobes! I want to see the big trainwreck stuff at the end and the firefights!”

Now I can’t be the only one who experienced nerd-glee-by-proxy (best term ever?) reading that. It makes a  change to see an author who doesn’t run a mile at the first mention of ‘movie rights’, and who doesn’t think that a film adaptation will by definition be a horrible, commercial, focus-group-pandering exercise.

If anyone has any examples of reasonable (or insane) author behaviour, then feel free to pop ‘em in the comments box.

If there’s one lesson we can learn from the movies, it’s never replace your dead son with a robot copy. While Astro Boy’s dad Dr.Tenma (Nic Cage) has to learn this the hard way, it’s a blessing for the rest of us as we get to catch up with 40-plus years of Japanimation in a movie that may struggle on plot, but is so eyeball meltingly gorgeous you won’t hold a grudge.

It’s the near future; where the Earth has yet again become a smouldering garbage dump. Luckily a few big brains have gotten together and become enlightened – quite literally – by blasting a huge chunk of planet into the sky. Up where the air is clear the privileged citizens live a life free of drudgery, serviced by Dr.Tenma’s robots. Unfortunately, the good doctor is so wrapped up in his work, he has little time for son Tobey – until Tobey is tragically lost, prompting the grief stricken scientist to create the eponymous Astro Boy.

It’s actually a brilliantly dark conceit, with Tenma struggling with his feelings of guilt and loss, even as he preps Astro to save the world, and it’s this underlying current that holds the whole thing together. In addition Dreamworks Animation has put together some breathtaking visuals, and the cast is top-shelf, delivering some great, empathetic performances that hint at more than one childhood being spent soaking up Saturday morning cartoon shows.

Unfortunately things do occasionally fall flat. It’s clear that Summit have great faith in Director David Bowers, who also gets a co-writers credit. Unfortunately he’s made the dangerous decision to ground things in current affairs, and the sub plot, with Donald Sutherland’s general using an unstable war machine to defeat a non-existent threat is a heavy handed attempt at tackling contemporary issues that constantly threatens to undermine the narrative, attempting to bridge the gap between children’s film and adult movie and swinging dangerously close to collapsing.

That said, there are some lovely moments to be had, Astro’s awakening and the dawning realisation that he’s not a real boy but a high-tech Pinocchio are evocative and affecting, and Tenma’s emotional see-sawing is handled with an uncommon delicacy. It’s a shame that the action sequences, while good looking, are ultimately shallow and disappointing.

In attempting to modernise the source material, Bowers takes an ultimately ill-judged step, as this works best when sticking close to the densely plotted family drama of Tezuka’s books, with new material ultimately feeling derivative, and far more worthy of a cheap TV cartoon than a multi-million dollar blockbuster.

Bizarrely enough, this is a CGI blockbuster starring an atomic robot that would work better as a gentle drama. When it works, it works beautifully, and it’s worth catching on the big screen just to revel in the incredibly evocative, retro-futuristic backgrounds and marvellously rendered characters.

A visual triumph, if not a dramatic one, and a world that begs to be explored more deeply.

Christian Alvert makes a brave go at weak source material, but can’t hide the tutelage of producer Paul W.S Anderson in a poorly realised Sci-Fi mish-mash.

Deep in some generic future, life on Earth has ground to a halt, and the remaining humans are being shipped out on huge cryogenic tanker craft in search of a new start. Unfortunately Lieutenant Payton – an overly earnest Dennis Quaid – and Corporal Bower (Ben Foster) wake up a little early, and suffering from the kind of hybernation sickness that screams MacGuffin, the two haven’t a clue what they’re doing.

So far, things are promising, pointing towards what could be a paced and very grown up drama. Unfortunately it doesn’t last, with strange grumblings coming from the belly of the seemingly deserted craft. Deciding to investigate, it isn’t long before they stumble over – you guessed it – Mutant Cannibals!

While amnesiac heroes are a nice twist, the terrible MTV editing isn’t, with cameras lurching about, aiming for video game immersion but resulting in vague seasickness and confusion, as terrible beasts leap from the shadows, and every upcoming shock is clearly signposted by a hyperactive bass soundtrack.

As well as the terrible beasts, there’s Cam Gigandet’s cynical mystery man lurking in the control room, and Quaid facing off against every unlikely malfunction imaginable on his way through the bowels of the ship to the reactor.

Mistaking swamping everything in darkness for genuine atmosphere, Alvert tries to maintain our interest, but despite solid performances it’s soon knocked off kilter by the clunky dialogue and a camera that appears to have been under the control of a serial meth tweaker, leaving the audience irritated rather than involved.

A straight to DVD-er mysteriously given a fairly high profile opening, Pandorum flirts with Horror, Mystery and Sci-Fi while resolutely avoiding the most compelling elements of all three.

The latest from the team behind the insanely ludicrous Crank franchise gets lost up its own adrenalin rush.

With Crank, writers Neveldine and Taylor proved themselves as the new stars of brain-in-neutral hyperkinetic action, and Gamer certainly doesn’t lack in the crazed action stakes. Whip pans and super fast MTV edits are di rigueur here, and while it may upset viewers with motion sickness, there’s no denying it’s a hellava ride.

In among the epilepsy inducing visuals, there’s a paper thin plot with some grunting in place of thespianism, but to be honest, that isn’t really what we’re here for is it? Plot hole you could fly a MiG through mean this is never going to be a great movie –or even a really competent one, but it’s willingness to mess about with high concepts scores it bonus points.

It’s the bog standard future, and humanity is mainly occupied with playing two huge MMPORGS –‘Society’ a Sims-like experience with added S&M, and “Slayers” – Doom meets Halo. The twist on this being that actual people sign up to be avatars, controlled by online gamers who seem mainly interested in making all vaguely attractive women in the movie make out with each other.

By way of narrative, we’ve got Gerard Butler, hulking about as the improbably named Kable, a death row inmate plunged into the shoot ‘em up. Survive 30 games, and he’s a free man. When exactly the government agreed that training convicted killers to be even more effective before then releasing them back into society was a good idea is never touched on.

In between browsing through the music video edit kama sutra there are some nice stylistic touches here. The grim world of Slayers is matched to Death Row, all washed-out blue grays against a rusty, grimy post apocalypse background, while the Society game in particular is all scanty bikinis and overly loud psychedelia, giving it a weird, Saturday morning cartoon appeal. It’s actually a bit of a shame, because there’s production design on display that would go down a treat in a more rounded film.

Likewise, characterisation is notably absent, Butler et al gurning and shouting over explosions while somehow managing to avoid any and all emotional heft. A special nod does go to Michael C Hall though, who pulls off deliciously odious villainy with aplomb, and is seriously wasted as a result.

Were this an adaptation of an actual game, then it would work fine, it’s at least as good/bad as any Uwe Boll dross out there and as such should be treated as inoffensive SDVD trash. Unfortunately, the writing team has decided to shoehorn in a half thought out moral. Something or other to do with society’s over-reliance on technology I’m sure, but it’s a muddled mess that deflates what otherwise could have been a full-on ‘don’t-give-a-shit’ fun fest like Crank before it, but because of its pretensions to commentary, it simply highlights the offensive sexism and dull as dishwater leads.

Kitchen-sink filmmaking that falls short of target, if you must, wait for the DVD and consume 15 pints before opening.

Last week the whole geekverse collectively piled onto the internet to watch the teaser trailer to James Cameron’s long awaited 3D sci fi epic Avatar.

And…it was a bit naff. All the space stations, technology and believable bits of steel and glass looked really, bloody cool. And then…Big crappy tree elf creatures rendered in uncanny valley dwelling Jar Jar-o-vision. Lets not beat around the bush. They looked more like a cut scene from an eco friendly first person shooter on PS3 than the cinema event of the year. And I have  horrible feeling that the film will beat the viewer bloody by over use of the old and tired sci fi allegory about how we are destroying the planet. The aliens will, of course live in harmony with nature, symbolised by wearing fur and beads, and the humans will try to destroy them – for future-oil. Or whatever McGuffin Cameron comes up with.

I’m not holding my breath.

Someone from Warners has obviously caught the 81 ‘High Noon in Spaaaaaace’ flick on late night cable, and has lobbed the remake keys to Michael Davis, with Chad St. John (no..honestly..) charged with working over the script, Variety reports.

Unfortunately STS’ fave Schotish ex-milkman is far too busy playing golf these days to bother with chasing meth dealers around a space station, so it’s open casting time-our money is on Ryan Reynolds. STS hopes this will trigger a spate of Shir Shean remakes, with red-nappy-post-apocalypse-codswallop Zardoz at the top of the list!

Neil Blomkamp doesn’t exactly score Speilberg points on the recognition-ometer, mainly confining himself to some innovative corporate work until now. But he should be creeping into the public – or at least, the Sci-Fi geek’s – consciousness fairly shortly, with the release of his debut feature District 9.

Originally virally marketed – stickers reading ‘Restroom for Humans only’ making an appearance at San Diego ComiCon – the heavy-on-CGI but easy-on-the-eye affair is now set for a wider release, thanks to some heavyweight production-pushing from LOTR man-mountain Peter Jackson.

Set in Johannesburg, the film portrays refugee aliens being exploited for their advanced technology, but the beautiful design and realist touch promises a parable which is a lot more than the Alien Nation-meets-Apartheid.

Set for an August 14 release; check out the backstory over at D-9.com

STS will have a full review soon.