Back when I was 9 years old, the A-Team was awesome man, representing a fantastic Saturday afternoon escape from the clutches of a mother hell-bent on dragging me around the town centre to purchase ill-fitting school shoes, the adventures of Hannibal, Face, Murdoch and B.A happily helped form my entire view of the Midwest, a mythical land full of villainous landowners, oppressed townsfolk, and non-murderous mercenaries who would happily defend your property and your honour –even if doing so involved building a tank that launched cabbages at heavily armed brigands. Over the years, I’ve caught a few reruns and realised that like its contemporaries, it’s actually slow, disastrously plotted mix of improbable scenarios, comedy villains and cigar-chomping, milk-drinking catchphrases. Luckily, the movie is exactly the same.
Tag Archives: Remake
The Crazies
2 CommentsIf your plan is to make an all-action popcorn flick, the Holocaust isn’t a port of call most directors would consider making, but Brett Eisner’s Romero reboot somehow manages to make it a completely acceptable analogy even while we’re watching Radha Mitchell fight off bands of bat-shit locals with a pitchfork.
Newsgush: Sean Bean In Shit British Soccer Comedy Shocker
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Sean Bean is the latest to sign on for Irvine Welsh’s Magnificent Eleven, a Brit-com update of the down and dirty Yul Bryner 1960 western – Itself a reimagining of Kurosawa’s fantastic Seven Samurai – Joining Dougray Scott and surviving M7 cast member Robert Vaughn. In the most boring press release ever, producer John Adams said:
“Having worked with Irvine Welsh on his feature film Good Arrows, I am certain that the team we have assembled for The Magnificent Eleven can deliver a quality feature film with massive commercial potential.”
Except they can’t, because the cowboys are now an amateur football team, with the ‘Indians’ now running the local takeaway.
All well and good, but if you want to make some cash why not ditch the football, boring-as-fuck northern setting and oh-ho-ho it’s-grim-ooop-north crap jokes in favour of something an international audience might actually want to see.
“ooh- it’s the new Full Monty” I hear you cry, except it isn’t, it’s a complete waste of something that would actually be a half decent action comedy. Fine if you want it to be set in England, plonk a Tac squad in central London and have a violent gang war involving illegally trafficked Eastern European prostitutes – and don’t set it on Balham high street with grim n’ gritty dialogue either – set it in Westminster with a climactic gunfight on Tower Bridge.
Want to be successful British movie industry? Ditch the Rom-Coms, Period Dramas and fiercely provincial underdog comedies and start playing with the big boys.
Newsgush: Shaaaaaaaarrrk!!!
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Ah the Great White Shark, cinema’s premiere super-beastie since the mid 70’s, is all set for a comeback according to insiders at Universal. Apparently the success of 3D releases – including of course, Mr.J.Cameron’s latest Avatar – means we’ll be seeing an all-new, all-intruding-into-your-eyeballs version of chum-chomping classic Jaws in the near future.
This also means of course, that the blockbuster has finally come full circle and will become extinct over the next few years, leaving us with independant releases about midewestern farmers struggling with homosexuality. And sharks.
More on this over at cinemablend
American Akira…
0 CommentsEvery couple of weeks, vague rumours reach us of Leonardo DiCaprio trying to gear up an L.A/N.Y set Akira remake. This is a very bad idea, and to prove it, here’s some absolute genius from That Guy With Glasses that we had to share – watch it quick – the prom’s tomorrow!!
