This time last year, Slashing The Seats was proud to unveil the very first Harrry potter review in the whole wide world.
Of course, we’ve long since been banned from hanging around Emma Watson (despite a sound defence argument resting on the key fact that none of us have identifiable genitals or human emotional drives) by the powers that be, so we didn’t get to go to the premiere. Instead, we had to rummage through the bins round the back of cineworld. We got there first though. This time round, well, we weren’t so lucky.
Actually, it’s fair to say we weren’t actually that bothered. we had a weekend filled with rum, rollerskates and questionable sexual encounters with troglodyte cannibals to plough through, so we didn’t have time to write about boy wizards. Frankly, unless it’s a miraculous hangover/rash cure magic can fuck right off.
Anyway – I suppose now we’re here you’ll be wanting a review of some sort won’t you? Very well, gather about me now, and I’ll begin….
The fun part about this is that I don’t have to go into the plot (which is good, because it’s all over the shop). If you’re reading this, you probably already know what happens, but that doesn’t make it any less boring. The decision by the money bags at Warner to split the film in two is understandable, but frankly the best thing here would have been to edit out Rowling’s interminable exposition and deliver a breezy magical chase movie. With judicious editing we could have been sitting down to Raiders of the Lost Ark with wands. Instead we get a gloomy, droopy and largely structureless mess that loses an awful lot of the good will built up by The Half Blood Prince.
