We first spoke about the notrious BiffCo waaaay back in our evil Mega Corporations list when we were first starting out here at STS. At the time there was little information available on the man, nay, the legend that was alternate evil Biff Tannen, but today we did get a glimpse into what might have been, as this complete footage from the Biff Tannen museum finally popped up on YouTube.

Biff Tannen, we salute you!

Seeing as The Dude himself recently saw fit to strap on a guitar and bash out a few maudlin country tunes in the Oscar-bothering Crazy Heart, cementing his place (We’ll forget about ‘The Fabulous Baker Boys for now…and forever) in an illustrious list of wandering minstrels who haven’t always managed to pluck the heart strings of the academy committee. We decided to open our ears to some new vibes, man, so join us as we update our spotify playlists with…the best musicians in movies!

1: Beethoven (1770 -1988- 1827 ) Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure

Essential Ipod:The 1812 Overture – by far the finest example of cannon-based Germanic shouting to emerge from the classical era.

Eschewing the obvious choice of Mssrs B&T themselves, we’ve instead gone with the big-barneted Düsseldorf madman with a passion for Bon Jovi. The film may conveniently ignore the fact that Ludwig was stone deaf at the time the two west coast time travellers meet him, but then, Beethoven biographer Theodore Albrecht entirely ignores his close friendship with Billy the Kid too, so we figure it’s even.

2: Nigel Tufnell (1948 – ) This is Spinal Tap

Essential Ipod: Big Bottom.The only tune containing the words ‘Mud Flaps’ you’re ever likely to need on that ‘first date playlist’.

He’s a conundrum is ol’ Nige. Somehow he’s survived the barrage of sex, drugs, exploding drummers and diminishing returns to come out on top with Wembley arena gigs, marriage to Trading Places-era Jamie Lee Curtis, a peerage and infinite sustain. Managed to make lick my love pump’s horn section sound like Mozart rogering Bach.

3: Radio Raheem (1970 – 1989)- Fight the Power

Essential Ipod: Fight the Power, incendiary and poignant, Public Enemy’s justly legendary album isn’t quite juvenile enough for us-fortunately there’s an all-swearing version of NWA’s similarly themed Straight Outta Compton that is!

Not a muso in the traditional sense, Radio still manages to entertain the inhabitants of a 12 city block area with ‘his kind of music’, and looks damn good doing it in his classic Nikes. The fact that his chosen instrument is a gargantuan boombox running on enough D Energizers to drain half the city that also manages to spark a riot and ultimately kill Raheem is testament to its profound musical power.

4: Pierce Brosnan (1953 – well, his singing career died in 2008 anyway ) Mama Mia

Essential Ipod: Mamma Mia (Karaoke Version)

Having had a pretty decent crack at Bond, Pierce proved it wasn’t just exotically-monikered Russian agents he could murder, wrapping his vocal cords around Abba’s monster hits with all the deadly effectiveness of Xenia Onatopp’s killer thighs. Those who thought the Swedish superstar’s dollops of pure pop were impervious to cover version harm stood on astounded as Mr.Brosnan threw caution and years of Remington Steele suavity to the wind in a few seconds, burping out his lines in the manner of a rutting wildebeest.

5: Huey Lewis (1950-1985-1955-1855-1985…) Back To The Future

Essential Ipod: Hip To Be Square. Huey displays remarkable self-awareness, having a sneaky go at his legions of 80’s MOR fans a full decade before Kurt managed the same trick with Nirvana’s In Bloom.

Displaying a sartorial style that almost matches the musical genius that bought us..erm…the harp solo in Thin Lizzy’s ‘Sarah’…Huey dons plaid sports coat and turns down Marty’s awful band The Pinheads, despite the fact that they’re playing one of his own songs. Huey was of course quick to capitalise on this early celluloid success, appearing in Duets a mere 11 years later and belting out some truly shocking karaoke numbers that only appear acceptable because his main competition is Paul Giamatti’s pig-like grunting.

Nick Rivers – Top Secret (1984/Sometime in the 40s, 50’s or possible 60’s…)

Essential Ipod: Skeet Shootin’. The Beach Boys were fine, but they never really grasped the unique pleasure to be had from surfing…while firing a 12-guage shotgun recklessly in the air. The fact that Nick captures this and still finds room for some squeaky-clean west coast harmonies proves his lasting appeal.

OK, so he may be derivative of Elvis and Little Richard, but you wouldn’t catch those guys dressing up as a pantomime cow to storm a castle, let alone order flaming hog’s balls at a state banquet. Displaying the kind of confidence – and massive bouffant -that will get you locked up in cold war East germany, Nick wastes no time in getting to know the guards…and recommending a massive anal vibrator to them.

Thanks to watching Hausu last week, STS has curtailed our planned Japanese vacation in favour of somewhere less likely to cause loss of control over bowel functions. Instead, the staff have decided to head west this year in search of some sun – but where to stay when we get there? Luckily the movies have plenty of suggestions– we checked through the brochures down at Kubrick’s Travel in order to find the perfect holiday location – we’re checking in, so why not join us and check out: The Best Movie Hotels!

Bates Motel – Southern California (Psycho)

Combining beautiful views across Godforsakenville, southern california, with a mouldering smell and cramped prefab cabins, The Bates Motel is steeped in 50’s authenticity that’s been carefully preserved thanks to a recent makeover, but its on service that this place really wins out. We found our host to be considerate but unobtrusive, demonstrating our room’s luxury bathroom features for our benefit, while the kitchen was impressively equipped (with knives anyway). When we did uncover a problem-a case of woodworm in the bathroom wall by the looks of things, he wasted no time in reporting our concerns directly to the management.

The Overlook Hotel – Colorado (The Shining)

Perfect for a quiet getaway, the impressively situated Overlook is a hidden gem that’s perfect for couples or family holidays. Children will delight in exploring the seemingly endless corridors-we were often met with requests to come and play-while access is via a unique ’snow ramp’ leading to the extensive, maze-like gardens. Ideal for a family holiday or a working break.

Bernie Lomax’s luxury villa , Rhode Island (Weekend at Bernies)

Despite its exclusive position in upscale Block Island, the rates at Bernie’s were astoundingly low, our host waving away our concerns about the bill. In the day he’d often join us as we lounged around the pool, but still found time to organise some great evening events, while moonlit strolls on the beach were accompanied by displays of Caribbean-style dancing. Perfect for that weekend getaway.

Heavenly Havens – Mega City One (Judge Dredd)

Stopping off in the Big Meg as we returned from our Aspen retreat, we were concerned that Heavenly Havens didn’t match our brochure pictures – we’d been looking forward to enjoying the roof-top pool – luckily we were soon made to feel at home by the many colourful other guests. Engaging in friendly rivalry with a similar nearby establishment, Havens boasts a unique automated catering service, an extensive shooting gallery for the outdoor sports fan, and a security service that’s second to none.

Biff Tannen’s Pleasure Palace, Hill Valley. (Back to the Future Part II)

Where once a dilapidated courthouse stood, a symbol of the equally dilapidated notions of truth and justice, America’s greatest living folk hero saw fit to erect this monument to those altogether more interesting bastions of society: Gambling and Hookers! Why not roa around the loud, tartan-clad museum, or head to the roof for a hot-tub threesome and some gun practice?

The Mint – Las Vegas (Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas)

It may be a faceless linoleum nightmare, but this is one place where service really counts. If you’re a drugged-up counter-cultural icon anyway! If you’re a law-enforcement official you may want to double check your booking, but for the more scurrilous holidaymaker, feel free to keep ordering room service even when you’ve flooded the lounge of your suite with vodka. Hey, Rolling Stone is paying for it right?

OK, so science fiction films often have remarkably poor foresight when it comes to setting the date of their story. “No-one will be watching this in fifteen years!” they confidently cry. “We’ll all have burned in a nuclear fire by then, surely!” The most prominent example being 2001: A Space Oddysey and the best example of dodging the issue being the Star Wars saga, which is set in the past. Somehow.

In any case, despite scriptwriters’ determination to give their own work a limited shelf-life there is light at the end of the tunnel. Here follows, then, a list of things that society still has time to invent, implement and generally make happen.

1. Sick sticks – Minority Report – set in 2054

Now, 2054 is still a good way off, meaning there’s more than enough time to invent a stick that when you poke someone with it they vomit uncontrollably. This should go second on the science priority list under curing cancer. I have no idea how this stick would possibly work, but that’s for the boffins to figure out. I’m the ideas man. Well, i’m the man who reminds you of other people’s ideas anyway.

2. Self-drying clothes – Back to the Future part II – set in 2015

Ah, how blissfully distant 2015 must have seemed in 1989. (when part 2 was released, not set. duh) But now the future is catching up with us remarkably quickly. We’ve already mastered and far surpassed that Jaws 3D thing that Marty gets so frightened of, and I think it’s safe to assume that hoverboards, cars powered on rubbish, self-tying laces and tiny pizzas that expand in the oven aren’t going to be made in time. That really just leaves self-drying clothes, by far the most useful and practical future-object seen in the movie. And guess what – we have them! Ahead of schedule too! Nice one.

3. Cryogenic freezing.

Now obviously a good deal of movies feature cryogenic freezing, and there seems to be no consensus on exactly how futuristic the procedure is. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if you could get it done tomorrow in some medical practise in Belgium. But this doesn’t change the fact that it’s not widespread yet, which sucks because I for one am eager to cheat death. The best known cryogenic freezing occurs in Alien, which is set in 2122, so scientists have some leeway on getting that organised.

4. Robot apocalypse – Terminator series

Now this is just flagrant cheating. In Terminator 2 it’s mentioned that Judgement Day – the day that Skynet becomes self-aware and begins a nuclear attack on the USA – is in 1997, which means that we should all have been carbonised by now. However in Terminator 3, released in 2003, the date is set back to 2004. Then, in the Sarah Connor chronicles it’s set back again to 2011. Now, clearly Skynet have trouble meeting their quarterly targets, and their internal organisation is in need of a serious restructuring. The other possibility is that scriptwriters couldn’t bear to ask their audiences to enjoy a film or TV series that is set in a world even slightly different to our own. (because what iPod-lovin’, trainer-wearin’ money-loaded hipster is going to relate to that?)

In any case postponing Judgement Day until 2011 gives us a little time to prepare. Take funding away from the Olympics and put it into grimy underground tunnel-networks and old 2-way radios. Oh, and lots of corrugated iron sheets.

For God’s sake, don’t forget the corrugated iron sheets!!

Hollywood studios are renowned for relentless tinkering, middle managers and yes men sticking their oar in and befuddling a perfectly good script with Star Cameos, Product Placement and Giant Mechanical Spiders, usually resulting in a hopeless chud-fest that leaves the cinema crowd vomiting their bile all over the internet. It’s ruined careers – Joel Schumacher take a bow – and in some cases even bought studios to their knees – we’re looking at you Heaven’s Gate.

But just occasionally, it can be a good thing.

Over the next few weeks we’ll be taking you through some truly great movies, and showing you how totally crappy they’d have been if a few faceless suits hadn’t rocked up, treated the writers like shit and the director like a moron, and totally changed everything!

First up, a faultless 80s classic that got out alive: Back To The Future.

When Bob’s Gale and Zemeckis first came up with BTTF, it was roundly trounced by the studios. Now, admittedly any movie with borderline incest as a major plot point is going to be a hard sell, but with the relentlessly upbeat attitude, and fantastically tight dialogue that constantly drives an intricate plot, it’s a sure-fire winner right?

Well, maybe after 15 rewrites it is, but the first couple of drafts?

For starters there’s Marty, a cocky, consumerist kid who doesn’t give a damn about the people around him – in short, he’s a dick. And Doc Brown? Well, here he’s Professor Brown, a failure of a man, filled with self-hatred and running a bootleg video operation from his garage.

Together they flog dodgy Beta grot in a hideous, run-down and boarded up Hill Valley not a million miles from Biff’s alternate 1985 that popped up in part 2. Meanwhile the world outside is teetering at 2 minutes to midnight, permanently on the brink of destruction -and Marty for one is actively looking forward to it!

“You know what I think about atomic bombs – I’d kinda like to see one”

There’s no denying the cheery optimism of the script is there?

Not to mention the relentless product placement that runs through the whole thing. In the final version, the Flux Capacitor – with a little help from one point twenty one gigawatts of electricity – powers the DeLorean through time. In this draft? Coke. Nope, not that kind. Even for depressed screenwriters penning an Ibsen-esque version of a ruined future, drug-powered time travel may be too much to swallow -we’re talking good old fashioned Coca Cola.

You see, according to our hero, Coca-Cola’s recipe is ‘The most closely guarded secret in the world’. We kind of suspect that’s because it’s full of deadly chemicals, rather than harbouring dimension-cracking science secrets, but hey- we’re not writing a blockbuster! In fact such is it’s power that 50’s Professor Brown uses it to create a series of fizzy-pop powered sci-fi technologies and rescue the future!

Of course, all the flying cars and robot houses of the future come at a price: No Rock N’ Roll. This time round apparently Marty’s performance – at the ‘Springtime In Paris’ rhythmic courtship ritual – is so godawful it effectively kills off new music. You can have your flying car, but it will only pick up Nat “King” Cole on the radio – sounds like a gip to us.

In fact, there’s only one thing in this script that was worth keeping – instead of a bolt of lightning returning us to the 80’s, here it’s the most ass-kicking method imaginable: an atomic bomb test, meaning Marty gets his wish after all.

So, imagine a world with no meddling Studio Suits. In that alternate timeline, Back To The Future is a depressing, rock n roll killing -and perhaps more tellingly, DeLorean-less - downbeat post-modern nightmare.

Is that really a price you’d be willing to pay for artistic freedom?

Obviously a man of impecable taste, regular STS-er Cap’n King kindly directs those of you with an X Factor obsession toward some real music- strap on your cans for some great pieces of relatively obscure movie music that you might have not noticed, never even heard before or just need reminding of – all with spotify track URLs, so you have no excuse not to sing along!

Das Boot – Konvoi (spotify: 7qdtbyggsomXg7YHtXdW0K)

The first time I saw Das Boot it was a late showing on one of the more obscure BBC channels. The director’s cut started at 1am, and I settled in on the sofa, alone in the darkness. I emerged, four hours later, bleary eyed and blinking in the harsh morning light. Hungry, thirsty and exhausted, I felt I had lived every depth charge along with the poor crew of the ill-fated U96. The film’s score nicely echoes the tense, frantic and claustrophobic feeling of the film itself, and it also has a distinctly 80s feel to it which I personally find delightful. Synthesised horns, orchestra hits, and a lots and lots of big drums really make this track.

Con Air – Battle in the Boneyard (spotify: 1XLUtez6LTfdBDJ2dEUs4r)

OK – Con Air obviously is not a very good film. But it is ridiculous, and a guilty pleasure of mine. It takes me back to a time (1997) when action films had evolved beyond the classic 80s formula, but hadn’t yet gone all high-tech and shaky-cam. This tune is all menace and soaring guitars. You will feel as if a sweaty, mulleted Nicholas Cage is groping your face and calling you his hummingbird. It’s some kind of horrible nu-metal, redneck, jingoistic masterpiece.

Back to the Future 3 – End Credits (spotify: 6KX3z2IrtPC8gYKh9uJy16)

Alright fine; Back to the Future isn’t exactly obscure, but I’ll wager when you recall the famous theme tune you don’t remember the fantastic, overlooked western-style version from the third film. It starts with some red-blooded pomp and circumstance yankee stuff, and finishes with the kind of musical climax that the series deserves (And there’s a very nice flute bit in the middle).

Once Upon a Time in Mexico – Church Shootout (spotify: 0gME5kV1cf9dg6ZjajkGS9)

I think I mentioned in a previous post how cool I think this film is, and this short piece from the soundtrack captures the movie’s flavour perfectly. It has all the melodrama you’d expect, and of course a distinctly latin flavour, with some nice spanish guitar and that ‘clanging bell’ sound you hear all the time in films – some kind of reminder that it’s high-noon and there’s killing to be done I guess.

Star Wars – Force Theme

Again, you’ll have heard this before, but this fantastic piece of John Williams-composing doesn’t enjoy the same iconic status as the main theme or the Imperial March and that’s just not fair. That bit in A New Hope when the strings build up as Luke stands, windswept, gazing intently out at the setting twin suns of Tatooine, always sends a shiver up my young spine.

That’s enough for now, and hopefully plenty to remind us that past the blockbuster movie themes we all know and love, a great deal of hard work and passion is expended in making music that brings even the most insignificant scenes to life. (apart from Con-Air, obviously)

We’re back.

This week the topic for debate is the sightly contrived ‘Top Characters & Supporting Characters From 80s Movies.’

We talk about Mr Strickland for Back to the Future, Howard The Duck, Weird Science – both the movie and little know TV series – Die Hard, Teen Wolf and Beverly Hills Cop 2.

We also take a weird detour into a post-apocalytic future, lorded over by cricket playing Australians.

We’re over on iTunes – so we suggest you head over there and subscribe!

Interceptor takes a look at the most evil corporate parasites in living movie memory and comes up with a list of six. Here are the most dastardly, money-hungry and megalomaniacal enterprises in history. And if you think we’ve missed one – get yourself to the comments.

1: The Company: Aliens

Despite the fact that it already owns the whole planet and most of the known universe, The Company still wants more – and it’s willing to sacrifice every man, woman and child on Earth if it means it can sell more experimental bio-weapons to the colonial marines. Strangely, it persists in this business model against the odds. A company so terrible, it would hire the uncool one from My Two Dads to run its foreign offices.

2: Cloverleaf: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

The name may conjour up images of rolling Irish meadows, but don’t let the faint whistle of pipes and whiff o’ peat bogs put you off the scent. Cloverleaf is run by a murderous non-human entity so twisted; he actually thinks mini-malls are a good idea. Not only does he hate public transport – and private detectives – but the vile Judge Doom would happily kill Bugs Bunny, Mickey Mouseand even a very, very cute shoe to destroy it.

3: BiffCo: Back to the Future Part II

No-one really knows what the sinister BiffCo actually does, but the hints are more than enough for it to rank among cinema’s most deliciously evil industrial conglomerates. Overgrown high-school bully Biff Tannen ploughs his ill-gotten gains into terrible schemes that appear to involve gambling, toxic waste, giving Lea Thompson breast implants and the frantic production of Velour Tiger-Skin upholstery. Compared to his interior decorating skills, bumping off local Sci-Fi authors is the least of Tannen’s crimes.

4: OCP: RoboCop

The Evil Corporation’s Evil Corporation. OCP are wantonly eeevil, lusting for money and power, and not giving a shit who they trample, kill or mutate in the process. A company so ruthless, the boss is even called Dick. Omni Consumer Products struts its diabolical stuff on the world stage, building dodgy reactors in the middle of rainforests, dispossessing the poor, shutting down the police and replacing them with sociopathic tank-cum-chickens and, of course, putting manic-depressive dead people and crazed drug addicts in charge of solid Titanium super-suits. It’s all in a day’s work for these paragons of rat-bastardry. The only company on the list to literally make employees piss their pants with fear and, while boardroom killings are a recurring theme here, none are quite as messy as OCP’s ED-209 debacle.

5: Cohaagen: Total Recall

Seemingly a wandering Ronin of a CEO, Cohaagen’s lack of any discernable company hasn’t stop him from engaging in high level corporate gittiness, seemingly for its own sake. While others on the list bow at the altar of profit, Cohaagen finds evil is its own reward. Building cheap domes and cultivating three-breasted hookers and psychic children is quite literally the tip of the iceberg for this conniving bugger, spending years exploiting his workers and alien technology alike. Would you work for a man who, despite being your best friend, would happily lobotomise you and demote you from VP to ‘Road Driller’ in order to get a job done? Just pipped to the top spot because of his generous benefits package – Sharon Stone in a pair of tiny Lycra shorts.

6: The Empire: Star Wars

OK, So the Empire isn’t exactly a publicly owned company, but it still manages to exhibit the very worst aspects of corporate culture. In between ruthless expansion and attempts to corner the intergalactic shipping trade, The Empire isn’t above a bit of micro-management; making people wear stupid high-button shirts even though they sit alone in a room pushing buttons all day. The only reward for hapless employees is the Death Star Disco, with it’s awesome EuroTrance light show and Bass system. Meanwhile, the boss roams the corridors, poking his respirator in where it’s not needed and offing members of the board if they disagree with his clap-trap, new age policies, all the while trying to build a GAP-esque identikit uniform fashion empire – something that the jumpsuit and waistcoat fashion pirates don’t take too kindly to. It’s Armani versus shabby chic on an interstellar level.