Normally we don’t go for direct press puffery here at STS – prefering to think our journalistic integrity is worth a pint or two at least – but the 25th of February sees the premiere of Tim Burton’s Alice In Wonderland, and we’re willing to make an exception as the 3D extravaganza and the nice chaps from Disney will be transforming London’s Leicester Square for the event in aid of The Prince’s Foundation for Children & the Arts

The entire cast—including Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter, Anne Hathaway as the White Queen and newcomer Mia Wasikowska as Alice will be attending, and hopefully we’ll be able to distinguish Tim burton and Helena Bonham-Carter from the drunks stumbling out of Chinatown as the entire place gets it’s bi-annual scrub down in preperation for a royal visit (that’s HRH The Prince of Wales, not Stephen Fry).

We’ve already seen some pretty stunning visuals – including the (did we mention it was exclusive? we probably should) new image of Anne Hathawy above – from the movie, as Alice “embarks on a fantastical journey to find her true destiny and end the Red Queen’s reign of terror” apparently. Oh -and it’s in lovely 3D – not sure how that works with the Cheshire Cat but hey-ho.

Alice in Wonderland is released across the UK on March the 5th on 2D, Disney Digital 3D and IMAX® 3D screens, so come on down and join in as we attempt to sneak past the bouncers and cram your camera full of celebrity goodness in aid of a good cause.

What with Monday’s anouncement that Pirates of the Caribbean 4: On Stranger Tides will begin filming soon in Hawaii, you might think that the mass of Depp hitting our screens is about to reach critical mass. It seems Disney are betting against it though-which is why they were nice enough to furnish us with some lovely new stills from Tim Burton’s sure-to-be-massive Alice In Wonderland. Check out the Deppster in all his ginger glory above , and read on for an exclusive mini podcast with some sneak plot details, and yet more wonderful imagery -including a pic of Alice that caused several innapropriate outbursts among the STS staff. Whatever reception the movie receives, there’s no denying it’ll be beautiful to watch…

Check out our exclusive Character Gallery below:

In terms of what you’d want to see at your local cinema, most of the movies coming in 2010 rank just below “dropping your Oscar Meyer hot Dog on the floor”.

Well, worry not faithful cineaste, for now we come to some slabs of celluloid you might actually want to see…and discover the law of diminishing returns is still very much in effect.

Wipe the popcorn from your beard and join us then, as we realise we’ve got piss-all to look forward to this summer, in part three of our amazingly awful 2010 movie round-up!!

11: Alice in Wonderland.

Sigh. Go on then. Put on your stripy knee socks, home-dye your hair blue. Have a blast. I once met Helena Bonham-Carter you know, and she looks exactly like this in real life!

Expect Jonny Depp to trade on the fact that he’s finally at that age where men start looking like your slightly creepy maternal aunt -and wonder if he can expect a promising career awaits in the inevitable musical version of ‘Pushing Daisies’ : Altogether now
“ A pie? A pie! A magiiiicalll pie of the undeeeeeaaaadddddd…” Practically writes itself.

Anyhoo, one for your inner goth this one, cover yourself in soot and enjoy.

12: Cop Out

So, it was called ‘A Couple of Dicks’ , but then Hollywood hearthrob and all -round (in every sense of the word) ice cream fan Kevin Smith wussed right out on us and changed it. This from a man who built a career based on dick n’ fart jokes. Backed up by Bruce Willis. Sigh.

Expect Willis to smirk and wisecrack, and make an uncommonly high number of Aquaman references as he and My name is Earl chase down a baseball card or something equally stupid.

13:The Book Of Eli

Oh Denzel. For every Oscar-tempter there’s a load of old quasi-mystical gobledegook isn’t there? We can only assume that the American Gangster star has made some unholy Mephistolean bargain that forces him to pop up in crap like Fallen every other year.

Anyway, this is something to do with a magic book and Gary Oldman. After the Apocalypse. Because that was cool three years ago.

14: Paul

Part the third of Pegg and Frost’s Cornetto trilogy. Plot? Well, obviously jumping over a fence will play a pivotal role, but in an effort to find out more the professional researchers in our office checked out little-known website Wikipedia, which had the following to say:

Two British comic book geeks (Pegg and Frost) go on a road trip through America. On the way, they discover an alien named Paul (voiced by Seth Rogen) at Area 51.

Sounds good doesn’t it? If you’re a complete dick machine. Or worse, read student magazines and laugh at them. Proof positive that pegg should be shot from a photon torpedo tube at the earliest opportunity.

15: Iron Man II

Like the first film but with extra Martinis and Mickey Rourke doing that thing he does instead of acting. I once met Fenriz from legendary black Metal band Darkthrone in a bar, and he told me that Mickey Rourke was cooler than Bruce Willis.

Basically what I’m saying is that if you like Mickey Rourke or think he’s good, then you are gay for Black Metal bands. Anyway, in this he plays a lesbian super criminal (honestly – look, here she is fighting Spider-Man) Whiplash.

It’ll probably be quite good, but not as good as Thor. Possibly.

16:Avatar: The Last Airbender.

Not to be confused with Cameron’s tale of the owl and the 3D alien pussycat from 2009 –although we’re hoping that confusion will guide a few more hapless fools this way – this airbender is the wiggly, wandery based-on-a-weird-Chinese-cartoon story of a small, bald dude and some other kids messing about in a badly thought out mystical world with added M.Night Shitealogue.

Oh-and there’s a huge bison in it too.

Anyway, basically it follows our heroes as they wander hither and thither upon the Earth –which may or may not be our future, hoping some bald midget can be a bigger bender (yes, really) than the current eeeevil overlord.

Almost as bad as The Happening.

17: Season of the Witch

Will it be scary? It’ll certainly be hairy. As Nic Cage continues to display his all-action wig fetish in some cobblers about a night -with a southern accent naturally – transporting an accused witch. A sexy accused witch.

Named after a Donovan song, which leads us to wonder how long before someone films a slasher called Hurdy Gurdy Man.

18:Bitch Slap.

A She-Woman-Girl-Power-vagina-monologue-meets-boob-job-action-comedy pile of shit. Look at those boobies and tell me this really furthers the feminist cause. Anyway, Xena’s in it, so you can admire how big and muscley and just all-round butch she is without having to come all the way out.

Enjoy!

19: Leap Year.

Right, if Amy Adams wanted to marry you, would you refuse?

No, neither would I, but apparently it’s an Irish tradition (it isn’t) that women can propose to dudes on Feb 29th, and if I was an Irish-loving Hollywood Junior exec who was one-thriteenth-Irish-but-not-the-real-kind-the-American-kind, then I’d probably make this movie as well.

Take the ‘My Great-Grand-Uncle once bought a bike from an Irish man which makes me Irish’ idiot in your life and to quote the trailer: “Get ready to lose your mind…”

20: Wolf Man

Vampires? Soooooo last year man. Wolves are ‘Were’ it’s at. Did you see what I did there?!?! I’m wasted on you I really am.

Anyway,Benicio Del Toro somehow manages to be even hairier than he was in The Way of the Gun, while ruthless marketers try to make us forget just how boring the original was.

Well, 2010 looks bloody terrible doesn’t it? Full of crap monsters and awful toupee’s for the most part -to be fair, there are some actually look quite good movies coming up -  the ’suckered you in’ Kick Ass, Hot Tub Time Machine, Youth In Revolt and even ridiculous angel revenge flick Legion has it’s moments – but why should we bring a ray of sunshine into your otherwise miserable lives by mentioning them? We’re not a public service you know. Just be thankful we didn’t mention Wanted 2 (an evil loom, I mean really…) and stay in bed until the Conan reboot arrives.

Happy New year!

Time to chuck that moldering Jack Sparrow costume out the window and get yourself an outsize topper for next Halloween, as our driends at Disey reveal the new trailer for Tim Burton’s hotly tipped Alice In Wonderland today.

Previously the STS staff only got near a set of playing cards when payday rolled around, but based on this they’re all set to be next years must-have fashion accesory. Expect Burton regulars Depp and Bonham Carter to be suitably nutty and degenerate, with Burton’s dark edge seemingly finding it’s spritual home as some wonderfully twisted takes on the classic Lewis Carrol characters lurk among the beautifully rendered backgrounds.

Whether it’s a big hitter or a Mad Hatter may be down to the script, but based on this it’ll be a sight worth seeing…

Proof positive that Hollywood is scraping the barrel for ideas, a mooted big-screen adap of Monopoly seemed like a bad joke when rumours surfaced a couple of months ago, but it seems that former loaf flogger turned auteur Ridley Scott has decided to have a poke at the four square property game, with predictably odd results.

Speaking to the L.A.Times, writer Frank Beddor outlined his stupendous plan to convert the story-free game into prime entertainment, and you guessed it –he’s going down the Jumanji route. An ‘ordinary Joe’ falling asleep and waking up in the game…sigh…

Beddor, who’s currently touting some drivel he’s spouted about Lewis Carrol characters invading the real world had this to say:

“It tries to incorporate all the iconic imageries – a sports car pulls up, there’s someone on a horse, someone pushing a wheelbarrow – and rich Uncle Pennybags, you’re going to see him as the maître d’ at the restaurant and he’s the buggy driver and the local eccentric and the doorman at the opera, says Beddor. “There’s all these sight gags.”

Nice of you to point that out for us Frank, as they sound like real rib-ticklers.

Sir Scott is dragging this dead horse through his production mangler with a view to a 2011 release. STS once thought it had played Monopoly for an entire year…turns out we were just really bored.

Confirmed goth, Tim Burton has long tried to craft a reputation for ghoulish, fantastical work, and seems to be succeeding in securing larger and larger budgets despite his movies only appealing to teenage girls with blue hair and socks on their hands.

While USA Today has called the concept art for his latest reimagining (read: no original material) Alice In Wonderland proof that Burton is ‘attuned to the fantastic’, the concept art released today is certainly pretty, but it seems like we’re in for another helping of style over substance.

All the usual suspects line up for the advance posters, Depp as the mad hatter, Big-Bonced Bonham Carter as the red queen and, natch, Christopher Lee lurking in the background.

On the plus side, there is relative newcomer Mia Wasikowska in the title role, although it’s hard to shake the feeling that a passing resemblance to Winona may have helped her audition along. Still, she’s been pretty solid in HBO’s Treatment, so here’s hoping she can keep the film grounded in reality and prevent too much kooky, ooky, Burtonization from sucking all the tension and drama out in favour of Chitty Bang Bang cutesyness.

Check out the full interactive images courtesy of USA Today.