Say hello to your new favourite movie.
Writer Mark Millar may be following fellow comic book illuminati Warren Ellis down the path toward self-referential hell, but if you’re unfamiliar with his unique take on four-colour heroics, or indeed have only encountered him through the medium of the ultra-watered-down ‘Wanted’ before (An Evil Loom! What the hell were they thinking…) then you’re in for a fantastic ride….
Depending on which side of the fence you sit, Alice in Wonderland represents either the apex or the nadir of Burton’s uniquely styled product. Fans will surely relish the sumptuous design work while objectors will find lumps of twee sticking in their craw -make no mistake, Alice in Wonderland is a movie almost as curious as it’s heroine.
My goodness, who’s this safari-suited lothario? Disney are keen to tell us he’s a ‘Swinging batchelor who’s always on the lookout for fun’, which may sound as though they’ve moved into an entirely different arena of filmmaking, but is actually just another great excuse from the house of mouse to sit in bed on a Sunday morning while they entertain your many illigitimate children for you – meet Ken, one of a group of brand new characters who’ll be joining Woody, Buzz and the gang for Toy Story 3.
Fig 1: Not Wearing Any Pants Under Here....
Movie heroes – you wish you were like that right? Kicking ass and taking names? You’d be so cool wouldn’t you?
Well, actually, no you wouldn’t. You’d be a boorish dickweed.
We’re not even talking about slimy Matthew Mconaughey rom-com assholes here either, in fact it seems that the cooler you look on-screen, the more of a spaz you’d be in real life. Men hate them, women can’t wait to escape them – we consider how well your big screen archetypes would cope in real life and quickly discover they’d be useless twats…
Han Solo
Oh sure, Han seems cool doesn’t he? With his flashy spaceship, hanging out with Billy Dee Williams. But seriously, would you hire him to tarmac your driveway? He turns up wearing skinny jeans and a waistcoat-attire completely unsuitable for manual labour- with an obviously intimidating ‘friend’, and demands half the cash up front. Then as soon as the cops wander past he drops the job halfway through, and when you go to complain, he shoots you!
Hitler! Stalin! Ming The Mercyless! Names that live on in the annals of infamy. There’s no denying it; people love a good villain, and remember them too! So why are so many of them..well… a bit shit? We run through some of cinema’s baddest muthas and discover that they really aren’t all that great! In fact, most filmic menaces are a bunch of yakkety idiots with nothing better to do – it’s The Worst Villains In Cinema!
