After sweeping the boards at this years Oscars, Katheryn Bigelow could be forgiven for sitting back to enjoy her ex-husband baiting success and asking “Who do you have to blow up to get a Martini round here?”. Instead, word is that the former Keanu-wrangler is already on the lookout for new projects.
Being the helpful souls we are, Slashing the Seats thought we’d pitch a few suitable follow-up’s to help the Point Break helmer re-create this year’s success -and fulfill our obligatory Oscars coverage in the process!
Of course, we’ve only worked our way through half the alphabet while conjouring up this list of steaming awards-magnets. Have you got a better idea?
Can you think of any more vaguely rhyming knock-off versions of this years best picture (that in no way means I can palm this assignment off on you and still collect the royalty cheque)?
What do you want to see the first female best director do next? Let us know!
The Dirt Shocker
Wily gardener Robert Englund realises he’ll never win the local women’s institute ‘Britain in Bloom’ competition by simply talking to his begonias –he’s got to shock them into a growth spurt! Unfortunately the only terrifying disguise he can find is a bargain-bin Richard Nixon mask-meaning he’s mistakenly identified as a member of notorious bank robber gang The Ex-Presidents!
Warning: May contain scenes of extreme mulching.
The Burt Hocker
When Quinton Anderson Reynolds (Dom Deluise) returns from college to find his entire life savings have been spent on back issues of cosmopolitan by his senile father Burt there’s only one thing to do – use the old man’s prize-winning moustache to disguise himself as ex-US president William Howard Taft in a series of daring bank robberies…with hilarious results!
The Pert Knocker
A band of notorious bank robbers are hunted by the US Army Bomb Disposal Squad, but manage to distract them by flashing their boobs at every opportunity, whether the storyline demands it or not! Starring Steve Guttenberg.
The Squirt Rocker
Despite the vaguely pornographic title, this heart-warming rock n’ roll tale is sure to battle its way to awards season glory. Mickey Rooney tap-dances his way back into the limelight by mentoring a group of musically challenged little people on a musical odyssey as they attempt to land a big gig with their idols –midget rockers Little Kiss and Tiny Motley Crue! Unfortunately the only way the tiny performers can get the attention they crave is to hire the US Army to put on a huge and highly dangerous explosive stage show!
The Curt Cocker
Following the success of Beverly Hills Chihuahua, Bigelow follows the adorable misadventures of a very rude spaniel that doesn’t have the time of day for his owners –until he learns the value of true friendship when he’s adopted by the US Army as an explosives sniffer dog!
The Yurt Mocker
When their alternative neighbours Tom and Barbara Good decide to demolish their house and live in an eco-friendly tent, Tom and Margo Leadbetter are quick to laugh, but can only watch aghast as their own property value falls –prompting them to embark on a series of daring bank robberies disguised as ex-presidents. With bombs!
