It’s the movie equivalent of suckling 8 pints of liquid testosterone directly from breast of a Playboy Playmate Of The Year while arm-wrestling a bear. On fire. It’s Robert Rodriguez’s ridiculous Machete and it’s sparked a bidding war between six major production companies. 20th Century Fox, already signed up for the Desperado director’s Predators, finally secured the deal this week…
The movie, which was co-written and co-directed by long-time collaborator and editor Ethan Maniquis, is the ultimate wet dream fantasy of (admittedly, mostly male) movies fans everywhere. If the name sounds familiar, it’s because it was one of the fake Grindhouse trailers which arguably caused more of a buzz on release than the two films themselves.
If you don’t believe us, how does this sound? We’ll use bullet points to make it look even more dramatic:
- Machete is Mexican hardman Danny Trejo in his first starring role
- Robert De Niro and Steven Seagal are in THE SAME FUCKING MOVIE!
- There’s Cheech Marin shooting people
- Special Effect genius Tom Savini adds to the From Dusk ‘Til Dawn reunion.
Oh, and:
- Jessica Alba’s in it.
- Michelle Rodriguez’s in it.
- Lindsay Lohan’s in it.
And so is Nash Bridges and that bloke from Lawnmower Man. But don’t let that put you off.
Consider that Machete is due to hit cinemas at a similar time to Sylvester Stallone’s frankly insane-sounding mercenaries-on-a-mission actioner The Expendables and you’ve got to ask yourself something: Even for a Playmate Of The Year, is there gonna be enough room in those breasts for all that testosterone…? Of course not, it was a metaphor.
