Kids make for the harshest critics in the business. You can pour your blood, sweat and tears into hyping a movie release, but if it won’t hold the attention of a seven year old for 120 measly minutes, it’s no good to anybody. When it comes to children’s movies, the kid’s deliver the final verdict and they often do so with honesty and conviction. However, every once in a blue moon the kids screw up and a perfectly good movie slips under the radar and is lost – forgotten forever – vanishing into the ether. Here’s the first of four films on a list comprising movies the children of yesteryear should have had the good sense to appreciate for the classics they are. By the time we’re done, you’ll remember why we don’t let them vote.
You might remember some of these titles and hopefully the list will cause you to experience at least one decent nostalgia rush – so let’s crack on…
Cats Don’t Dance
Cats Don’t Dance is an anthropomorphic adventure telling the story of country-bumpkin moggie, Danny.
Danny decides to move to Hollywood to seek his fortune as an all-singing, all-dancing musical star. Upon arrival however, his hopes are quickly dashed. He finds that animals like himself are relegated to playing bit-parts in major musical productions designed to further the career of odious child stars such as Darla Dimple – the film’s antagonist. He sets out on an adventure to change the status quo and ensure that his secretly talented animal friends get the screen time they deserve.
Along the way, Danny forges a romance with Sawyer, the sexy but stubborn actress-cum-receptionist (who is also a cat – obviously otherwise that would just be weird). The film is nicely animated, has a pretty decent story, some great songs and derives a lot of laughs out of Hollywood stereotypes and icons, from the cigar smoking agent to the MGM lion. (It’s an elephant who has to wear tusks and trumpet through the Mammoth Studio’s logo – though secretly he plays a mean jazz piano).
Gene Kelley did the choreography for the film and it was his last project before his death, which is a great reason to watch it. Honestly though, for me the main appeal of this film is the premise – cats don’t dance. It’s not that cats can’t dance, it’s just that they don’t. Did you ever hear such a great setup for a kids’ film? The only thing better would be an environmental romp in the rainforest in which Robin Williams acted as a spokesman for all victims of animal testing. But that film never got ma…
OH NO WAIT! THAT FILM TOTALLY EXISTS!
And it’s next on the list.
18 Comments
You’ve made this up. There is no way this film actually exists.
Also – welcome to Team Epic Win, Capnking!
Wait…so Cats don’t dance..but they actually can…
*starts choreographing meme*
the film makes it clear that cats are highly talented dancers, but social pressures mean they never get to express their talents. And it’s not cat dancing like when you hold up their front paws and wave them around, it’s a blend of tap, ballet, modern and jazz fusion.
Also – good to be aboard!
I prefer the sequel – Cats Did Dance
Also – thanks for adhering to the simple rules of English grammar!
*scowls at other EWMers*
I’m actually a qualified teacher of English. My grammar is impeccable.
*snort*
*bursts out laughing*
It’s true!
Not the grammar bit.
So – is this a film where there are all sorts of anthropomorphised animals or are there people in it too?
There are people in it as well – it’s like the extras in Hollywood are all animals, that’s the kind of group they represent i think… But then Danny’s hometown is populated entirely by animals… but there are a lot of human characters in the film… it’s basically nonsense. Try not to think about it. (that’s not great critical advice is it?)
I like to think my terrible Grammer is a stylistic thing…
I always get frustrated by films with talking animals and humans. Do they eat them?
The animals or the Humans? It seems to me that not that many Humans eat Cats, but often, particularly when a drunken hobo dies in alleyway, cats & Dogs worry and chew on the body in a sort of ‘Cannibal Ferox’ take on the Catwoman sequence from Batman Returns..or something…
I can see all kinds of animals on the poster – so it’s OK to eat a talking chicken?
It depends-how did it gain it’s powers of speech? If it was by magic or chemicals you’d be taking a risk, but you might end up with the proportionate strength and agility of a Chicken. Are you friends with te Chicken? If you are it’s the start of a slippery slope that ends with you devouring Totoro.
Was this the partner movie to All Dogs Go To Heaven? If so, this is proof that dogs are clearly superior since they go to heaven, whilst cats don’t even dance.
Maybe Cats have to die nine times first-and then they go to a crazy Egyptian heaven a bit like Stargate?
Where they just stand around the dancefloor and look surly, since they can’t dance?
It’s possible…
Only Kurt Rusell and MacGyver get to dance in StarGate heaven.
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cinema rape scenes…
dakota fanning rape scene…