Slashing The Seats

…But he got better.

Y’know what’s good about Crank 2? It really doesn’t give a fuck. Plot, character development, and any sense of restraint is told to fuck off loudly, before being shot at. By some strippers. And a gang of bike riding leather boys. While on fire.

Don’t watch Crank 2 expecting subtlety. Expect a video game adaptation of a game that never existed, because that is what it is. Our hero, Chev Chelios (The Stath) runs about with an artificial heart, killing anyone in his way, and collecting power ups in the form of electricity to keep his ticker ticking. He’s occasionally joined by friends (Co-Op mode) including Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite, his girlfriend and an accident involving toxic waste and a skeleton in Korea. (Bai Ling)

It’s fun. It really is. Occasionally, however it slows down for a second to catch up on some semblance of a story, which in contrast with the rest of the film, really, really drags. Which is sort of a bummer. My mind now wired for constant Stath on ethnic minority violence crying out for more headshots and beatings.

And the Stath is good. Despite portraying an adolescent fantasy cum sprite, he is likeable and manages to get through the film without annoying anyone in the slightest, more than can be said for his action hero contemporaries (the hardly illustrious bunch of Vin Diesel, Hugh Jackman and strangely, Christan Bale).

All in all, Crank: High Voltage is fucking ace. Unplug your brain, throw popcorn at your face and yell ‘Woo!’ when an angry unkillable Englishman with a metal heart rams a shotgun up somebody’s bottom.

Also – they have sex in public again. At a racetrack.

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